Forever?

As my divorce to husband number two is nearing it's finality, I have been thinking a lot about my choices in men. I guess after two failed marriages that I intended to last forever, I am feeling a little bit like there is a severe flaw in my ability to choose a good partner. In my defense, I am a highly analytical person and I evaluate and take apart just about everything I do in a day. Marriage is a sacred and very special thing to me, and I always dreamed of having that 50th anniversary with the man I married FIRST. I have dated plenty and I have certainly ended lots of relationships with men that were too controlling, too ignorant, too selfish, too self-occupied, too arrogant, too UNambitious, too unable to commit... you name it! I'm certainly not one to fall for the first man I meet and I am definitely NOT one to marry someone on only the basis of love! I know better than most that love will NOT carry a relationship. There's so much more to it!

I am currently engaged to a man that I have been seeing for 7+ months. He's everything that I have longed for, with one big exception - - He doesn't make a lot of money. In every other way, emotionally, physically, sexually, educationally - he is my ideal. I keep worrying a little about the money situation. I'm not so shallow as to think that money brings a happy marriage, but when you have 8 children (6 still at home), money IS important. My fiancee has a job where he works hard and gets paid poorly for it. He has a big debt load and he has no retirement. I'd be lying if that didn't scare me! At 44, I would sure like to have a man with some financial security...

This flaw being said, I am also not naive enough to think that there is one perfect man out there who has it ALL. I can step back and be mighty objective and really this man is far above average as men go.

Husband number one was my high school sweetheart. We married when I was 20 and we loved each other deeply, or so I did. After a few years of marriage and 4 children, he decided that my new plumper "mommy body" was no longer attractive to him. He began shunning me - no sex, no cuddles, no kissing... He then began to get more and more angry and then physically abusive. We fought in high school, but not physically. I guess I should've known he couldn't communicate and I shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Husband number two was very attentive, tried to be romantic and was a great stand-in father for my 4 children. He seemed almost perfect. He got a great job, worked hard and has been a great provider. He also stopped being physical with me after about 6 years. He rejected any efforts I made or attempts to be romantic. He gained about 150 pounds and began lying around the house, playing video games or watching t.v. ONLY. He did absolutely no maintenance around the house, did not EVER play with the kids, and ignored our relationship until I felt totally alone right next to him. This man did a complete about-face after marriage. I couldn't see that one coming, so I'm not sure how that was my fault, but somehow I blame myself for making him a human slug. :(

What I'm wondering is... for those of you that are blissfully married, DID YOU MARRY YOUR HUSBAND KNOWING HE WASN'T EXACTLY PERFECT? Did you marry him knowing his flaw(s) and still find that the depth of love you shared was enough to make your marriage last? I REALLY don't want to get married and blow it again. I want to be married for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with this man and enjoy our grandchildren together! I would sure appreciate some wisdom from those of you that are married happily. I'm scared to death of making another mistake.