Secret Handfasting

B and I are planning our handfasting ceremony. We have decided to marry alone (with only the clergy and the required 2 witnesses) in a very intimate Wiccan ceremony in March. We met on March 22nd, so we are going to try to make this happen on March 22nd. We plan to marry in front of family and friends in the Summer sometime as well, but this will be our own private ceremony to seal the commitment and bond we have made to each other.

Handfasting is an ancient Celtic tradition. Commonly, couples would be "handfasted" for a year and a day as a "Betrothal" period. If they still wanted to be together, they would be married. The couples hands were joined with loosely tied cords or ribbons during the ceremony to symbolize the joining of their lives, which gives us our contemporary phrase "tying the knot" for getting married. Pagan religions, such as Wicca, use this ceremony symbolically as well as legally (when performed by a licensed clergy member) to commit man and woman to a married state.

B and I performed our own private handfasting in August. It was a full moon, in the middle of the night in a lightning and thunder storm. We stood skyclad (naked) in my private, fenced worship area (garden) and dedicated ourselves to each other. It was amazingly spiritual and has brought us to new heights in closeness. This is partly why we have decided to have an official, legally binding ceremony of the same sort in March.

Here is a sample Handfasting ceremony that I found online. It's not the whole thing, but gives you the feeling...

Grounding, spoken by Priestess:In the name of the Ancient Providence, Who was from the beginning and is for eternity,Male and Female, the Original Source of all things; changeless and eternal. In the name of the Goddess of magick and love, and the God of the Underworld. In the name of the Four Quarters and their Guardians. Blessed be this place, and this time, and they who are now with us.
Quarter Calls, and God and Goddess calls, spoken by Priest (P) and Priestess (Ps):
Ps: Guardians of the East, Lords of Air, join us today, as we unite two lovers. Grant them intuition, knowledge, and the ability to learn from each other. Witness our rite, and guard this Circle. Blessed be.
P: Guardians of the South, Lords of Fire, join us today, as we unite two lovers. Grant them passion, creativity, and keep the fire of their life safely lit.Witness our rite, and guard this Circle. Blessed be.
Ps: Guardians of the West, Lords of Water, join us today, as we unite two lovers. Grant them nurturing, peace of soul, and a deep, abiding love for one another.Witness our rite, and guard this Circle. Blessed be.
P: Guardians of the North, Lords of Earth, join us today, as we unite two lovers. Grant them stability, solidity, and the knowledge that they are a part of all. Witness our rite, and guard this Circle. Blessed be.
Ps: I invoke thee, and draw thee down, Mighty Mother of us all, by bud and stem, by leaf and tree, join us! Harken to our call!
P: I invoke thee, and call thee in, Horned Father of us all, by seed and root, and flower and fruit, join us! Harken to our call!
Priestess & Priest each hold an end of the wand with the rings.
P: We are gathered in this sacred place to join this man and this woman, life to life and spirit to spirit.
Ps: Place your right hands over this wand and your rings, his hand over hers.
P: Is it your wish, (Bride), to become one with this man?
Bride: It is.
Ps: Is it your wish, (Groom), to become one with this woman?
Groom: It is.
P: If any would ask why these two should not be joined, let them stand before the Gods and those assembled here and speak now.
Challenges now ensue. These are serious, yet can be somewhat humorous. Each of the four Quarters in turn will put forth a challenge to be met. When these are done, others may be encouraged to challenge the couple. These challenges are done widdershins in order to banish all doubts and obstacles.
North voice:I would speak. Do they have the means to support themselves and to provide for their worldly needs?
Ps: Do you?
Bride and Groom: We do.
West voice:I would speak. Do they love one another? Do they LIKE one another?
P: Do you?
B&G: We do.
South voice:I would speak. Do they have the will to argue, if they must, to air their problems, then stand together against adversity?
Ps: Do you?
B&G: We do.
East voice:I would speak. Do they share their thoughts and ideas, burdens and dreams?
P: Do you?
B&G: We do.
A pause follows. Others may give challenges if they wish. When the challenges have all been met, continue.
Ps: All the challenges have been answered. Do you still wish to be married?
B&G: We do.
P: Then step forward, and hear sage counsel and advice.
P reads from Wilferd A. Peterson's The Art of Marriage:
The little things are the big things.It is never being too old to hold hands.It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.It is never going to sleep angry.It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years.It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.It is standing together facing the world.It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.It is not looking for perfection in each other.It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.It is finding room for the things of the spirit.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Ps reads from Kahlil Gibran On Marriage:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.Love one another, but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.And stand together yet not too near together: for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
P: Now, the binding shall be made.
The cords should be brought up, one by one, and tied on. Priest and Priestess shall say the meaning of each, as it is tied.
P: White, for true love, devotion, and protection.Ps: Blue, for honesty, peacefulness, and devotion.P: Green, for abundance, luck, and prosperity.Ps: Red, for passion, deep emotions, and joyous union.P: Purple, for meditation, spirituality, and power!
Once Bride and Groom are tied, they are blessed with the Elements, deosil this time, to infuse them with the powers of the Elements.
Ps: Your love is as the wind, rapturous and all-encompassing.B&G are fanned with a feather.
P: Your love is as a flame, illuminating your lives and warming your hearts.B&G are circled with the fire candle.
Ps: Your love is as the sea, constant and ever-changing.B&G are sprinkled with blessed water.
P: Your love is as the earth, solid and firm.B&G are sprinkled with salt.
B&G should hold the ends of the wand, facing the guests, eyes on their rings.
Ps: Yet your love extends beyond the wind, flame, sea, and earth;it is greater than who you are and meaningless without you;it is more powerful than your past,yet the foundation of your future.
P: Your love has brought us here today, to become one in the eyes of your family and friends, for many days to come. Your love is the essence of your lives. Your love enhances and renews the love of those who witness it.
Ps: You have answered our challenges with good grace. Now you must answer the challenges you give to each other.Now you must share your vows.
G: Will you, (Bride), take my hand and explore with me the limitless wonders of our world?
B: I will. Will you, (Groom), promise to share with me your own discoveries and new perspectives on life?
G: I will. Will you, (Bride), work with me to broaden our horizons continually and expand the boundaries of our lives?
B: I will. Will you, (Groom), live with me to the fullest, for all the days we share?
G: I will.
B: Then I, (Bride's full, legal name), offer to you, (Groom's full, legal name), all that I am, all that I may encounter, and all that I may become.
G: And I, (Groom's full, legal name), offer to you, (Bride's full, legal name), all that I am, all that I may encounter, and all that I may become.
B&G: Let us explore together the infinity of our love, from this day forward.
The rings should be exchanged now.
Ps: All Father, Mighty Mother: We ask that the promise and hope of this marriage be fulfilled.
P: May the happiness and intimacy of this time be recalled, many times.
Ps: May this marriage be a course of independent strength and will; a center and respite from endless turning; a still reflection of connected lives; a pleasant recollection of the past; and a ribbon of bright love through the future.
P: May this couple's anger at themselves and the world be honest and lively; may silence and despair never separate them; may they always return to each other.
Ps: May their lives lie quiet beneath the flow of change.
P: May their friends welcome them again, in other times and other seasons.
Ps: We ask this in the names of the God and the Goddess, from whom all things proceed, and unto whom all things return. Blessed be!

There's more but this gives a good sense of what it's about. I am really excited to do this and we have both begun preparing our clothing for the ceremony. We will both be wearing medieval-type clothing. Mine will resemble my Wiccan/Christian faiths intermingling but both of us will be renaissance. I will certainly post pics when I have them and further details as I get them.

Major Breakthrough

For months the memories of "him" (aka "J") have haunted me. I have worked hard to move on and I have screwed up a few relationships because of the pain of losing him. I have been madly in love with my fiancee since July. I have been totally happy with him and I am sure that he is the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. One tiny little piece of me hadn't let go though of "him".

I would hear a song and think of "him". I would have a dream about "him" and I thought of "him" every single day. I knew that I loved my man enough and that J was in my past. I knew that J and I would never be together again. I just felt like a little part of me still belonged to J. I really felt like J would always hold that piece of my heart. I felt guilty about it and I struggled with that a lot. I even considered ending my relationship with "B" (my fiancee) because I really felt like he deserved a woman that could give him 100% of her heart. I never wanted him to be second best or holding that 2nd Place trophy...

Time has healed the wounds though. I had to grieve. I had to cry and scream and beat on things. It took me a little over a year! I never thought I would make it but the other night it happened... Something broke free in me. I knew it right away. I burst into tears and I felt soooo good! I grabbed "B" and kissed him with a new passion - one even more intense than the amazing love we have already shared. I think it surprised even him! I told him the whole story... how I had considered ending it and why and how now I know that I love him 100% unconditionally! It feels amazing. Everything is deeper, richer, brighter. I am going to be ok now. I have the most amazing man that loves me unconditionally. We share a deep, passionate and amazing bond that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

LIFE IS GOOD and I am ok without "J" in my life!!!!!!

(Doing the dance of joy now!)

Missing him...

My love starts Job #2 at 4am tomorrow. I'm so sad, and I can't seem to shake it. I admire him so much for his determination to make ends meet. It's not like he's working to give me the money, but he's trying to get his own personal debt in control *before* we get married. He has taken responsibility for his poor spending habits "pre-me" and that's noble, but now I get to pay for it too.... by not seeing him.

We enjoy our time together sooo much and it already felt like we had little of it. My mom and I had been very close and we saw each other almost everyday. She was much like a sister to me until she met her boyfriend. He doesn't like me, so now she has turned her back on me. I can't count on her to help pass the hours without him anymore.

He's now going to work from 4am to at least 9am (some days it will be later), sleeping from the moment he comes home until 1pm and then he will leave again at 2pm to work from 3pm-Midnight at his other job. So when he is home, he will literally be only sleeping. :( I know. I need to "nut up" or "suck it up" and stop whining. I've just been so lonely and so miserable in a marriage with a man that was NEVER in love with me. I finally have a fantastic relationship and now I don't get to see him. It's a little tough on the spirit. It seems that often this is the way life is... "You can't have it all". Well, at 44, I am damn ready to have 98% of it! I've certainly done my time in the barrel.

If he can make it through this grueling schedule, he will do this until the beginning of January. In March it will start again... It's time to get a spell together for the financial freedom to NOT have to live like this!

What is love (My musings)

Love...

I'm Sicilian, which means I am passionate about life. I love men the way I love nice clothes and cooking - DEEPLY and intensely! LOL If I feel the spark, I will continue to dig before I determine whether or not to proceed with my feelings. I'm sure lots of other people are the same way. Once I love though, it's INTENSE. I devote my entire heart and soul into the relationship and ask "only" the same from my man. I say "only" because that in itself is a lot to ask. It's a tough road for the average man. My needs and expectations are high to say the least. At least I'm honest about them! I was thinking about my love today. He's gone to work and I miss him like crazy. I have been thinking about all of the things that I love about him. What else would you add to my musings today?

Love is...

Thinking of the curve of his lips all day long.. watching him sleep peacefully next to me.. making his favorite meal just because.. not mentioning it when he leaves his undies on the floor.. holding his hand in the car, just because.. walking in a thunder storm, rain pouring down on us.. ignoring the muscle bound jock that just walked by in respect for your man.. kissing every part of his body (and I mean every) and loving every inch.. taking care of him even when you feel like crap yourself.. making sure you have his favorite foods in the fridge all the time.. praying that he will stay healthy and alive for oh say the next 40+ years!.. wanting to share all of life's joys and sorrows with just him.. feeling a tingle with just the touch of his lips to yours.. smiling at odd times because he came through your mind.. laughing at every joke he makes, even those really corny ones.. accepting his family without reservation.. rubbing him down after a long day's work.. smiling when you hear a song that reminds you of him.. picking a zit on his back without being squeamish at all.. waking up in the morning smiling just knowing that he is the world..

It's Over

Yesterday my divorce was final. Sixteen years of marriage and six children and it's all over. I feel mostly happy, somewhat relieved and hopeful. A tiny piece of me is sad but only a tiny bit. Life is going to change even more than it has in the last 90 days, and I know some of it will be hard, but overall I have the chance for happiness now and my children have the hope of a wonderful father that loves, nurtures and supports them! Wow... Life, here I come!

Cow Pissin' & Pool

Sundays are my days to have lunch with my soon to be ex-husband and do a little shopping. Even the days when he has the kids, we make sure and have that time together. He needs my support right now (he's madly in love with a married woman) and I am his "wing man" in the situation. We laugh a lot and it's totally friendship - nothing more. Our marriage was the same thing, but that's for another blog... LOL My man is working, so it's not like I'm taking time away from him. :)

So today we decided to go with three other mutual friends to shoot pool and drink beer in a small town nearby called Kapowsin (aka Cow pissin). It's out in the sticks and it's a great small town place with only locals there usually. As we walked in, a guy was walking out. He was handsome, although grubby and looking very "local". As my girlfriend Unity walked in, he said, "Bingo!" and then as my soon to be ex walked in, "Bingo!" again. As our friends Debbie and Taz walked in, he said "Bingo!" loudly two more times. As I came through the door last, he yelled and "BOINGO!" LOL I chuckled as I walked by and he tipped his hat. I thought little of it, but then told Unity that from now on my nickname will be BOINGO!

After a few minutes, this guy came back in and sat at the bar. I went up to order a Pomegranate & Raspberry Michelob Ultra (YUM!!) and he asked if he could buy me a drink. I politely told him that he shouldn't waste his money. He asked why and so I told him that I am happily engaged and that I didn't feel like I should accept his drink. I just couldn't see taking his money when I am not interested or available - maybe I'm a dork...?

He came over as I was shooting pool and said, "I don't want to embarrass you, but I have to tell you that you are absolutely f**king gorgeous".... LMAO LMAO... Obviously the man was drunk or something! He was very sweet though and introduced himself to me. He told me to tell my man that he is a "LUCKY MAN!" LOL I had to chuckle but thanked him for his sweet comment. I'm not used to that kind of attention! He explained that he had been divorced for 3 years and hadn't been with anyone since his marriage ended (I call BS on that one, but anyway...) He asked if I would take his phone number in case it "didn't work out with my man"... LMAO Who paid this guy to make my freaking week?

We had some of their famous pizza and a few beers and it was great fun. We sorta brightened the place up with our loud laughter and jokes. It was a hoot! I of course invited everyone in there to come to the Pheasant Palace for karoake one night and there was one of my regulars there too! Small world!

My point...? It felt good to have that attention from a man. My self-esteem has been in the toilet for a long time and it makes me feel great to know that someone thought I was worthy of that attention and I just wanted to share. :)