For months the memories of "him" (aka "J") have haunted me. I have worked hard to move on and I have screwed up a few relationships because of the pain of losing him. I have been madly in love with my fiancee since July. I have been totally happy with him and I am sure that he is the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. One tiny little piece of me hadn't let go though of "him". 
I would hear a song and think of "him". I would have a dream about "him" and I thought of "him" every single day. I knew that I loved my man enough and that J was in my past. I knew that J and I would never be together again. I just felt like a little part of me still belonged to J. I really felt like J would always hold that piece of my heart. I felt guilty about it and I struggled with that a lot. I even considered ending my relationship with "B" (my fiancee) because I really felt like he deserved a woman that could give him 100% of her heart. I never wanted him to be second best or holding that 2nd Place trophy...
Time has healed the wounds though. I had to grieve. I had to cry and scream and beat on things. It took me a little over a year! I never thought I would make it but the other night it happened... Something broke free in me. I knew it right away. I burst into tears and I felt soooo good! I grabbed "B" and kissed him with a new passion - one even more intense than the amazing love we have already shared. I think it surprised even him! I told him the whole story... how I had considered ending it and why and how now I know that I love him 100% unconditionally! It feels amazing. Everything is deeper, richer, brighter. I am going to be ok now. I have the most amazing man that loves me unconditionally. We share a deep, passionate and amazing bond that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
LIFE IS GOOD and I am ok without "J" in my life!!!!!!
(Doing the dance of joy now!)
3 comments:
This is so wonderful to hear!!
You know, we must have been related some how! Years ago, a diff scenario for me, but the same 'awakening'. When I was married to the kids dad, I so was not happy, nor was I in love...After Cowboy and I got together, I had some of the same concerns as you..financially. I went back to the dad..unhappy, but for the kids sake sort of. I'll never forget the night, sleeping in a separate room as I'd been doing...I awoke, Startled! I don't know what it was! But I KNEW where my life should be, where my Love was! I got up and packed as much as I could (got the rest later), went to a friends and called Cowboy who was ever so patiently "waiting" for me in Idaho on a ranch. I told him what had taken place in my heart...he moved back to WA within 2 days and we've been together for 30 years now!
Oh wow... that is beautiful. We are so truly blessed to have this kind of love. I wondered if I would die alone.. Now I know that happiness is mine forever and life is good! Bless you both! :)
You've been busy over here! I'll have to check more often.
I'm so glad you have finally been able to let go of that hurt and longing! I'll bet "B" is too!
Post a Comment