Missing him...

My love starts Job #2 at 4am tomorrow. I'm so sad, and I can't seem to shake it. I admire him so much for his determination to make ends meet. It's not like he's working to give me the money, but he's trying to get his own personal debt in control *before* we get married. He has taken responsibility for his poor spending habits "pre-me" and that's noble, but now I get to pay for it too.... by not seeing him.

We enjoy our time together sooo much and it already felt like we had little of it. My mom and I had been very close and we saw each other almost everyday. She was much like a sister to me until she met her boyfriend. He doesn't like me, so now she has turned her back on me. I can't count on her to help pass the hours without him anymore.

He's now going to work from 4am to at least 9am (some days it will be later), sleeping from the moment he comes home until 1pm and then he will leave again at 2pm to work from 3pm-Midnight at his other job. So when he is home, he will literally be only sleeping. :( I know. I need to "nut up" or "suck it up" and stop whining. I've just been so lonely and so miserable in a marriage with a man that was NEVER in love with me. I finally have a fantastic relationship and now I don't get to see him. It's a little tough on the spirit. It seems that often this is the way life is... "You can't have it all". Well, at 44, I am damn ready to have 98% of it! I've certainly done my time in the barrel.

If he can make it through this grueling schedule, he will do this until the beginning of January. In March it will start again... It's time to get a spell together for the financial freedom to NOT have to live like this!