Back Together Again

This is a sleeping Bruce. He's 1/2 Black Lab and 1/2 Tickhound. I never intended to own an additional dog, and I never intended to own a high energy dog like Bruce. I gave him his name just months earlier. He was born on December 24th, 2004 in Maryland.

Bruce was a tiny puppy when he was purchased and brought home by my beloved step-cousin/ex lover. Tim was a lifelong Navy man. He had piercing blue eyes and we were not blood related in any way. When we were young (19 and 21), we were very much in love. We dated for a couple of years on and off. It was hard to see each other since he was in the Navy and gone a lot. He finally got stationed on land in San Diego and I went to visit him for a week. We had an amazing time down there. He drove me home to Oregon when his "leave" (vacation) started and we had fun just driving up I-5 together. On the way home, Tim asked me to marry him. I kind of laughed it off, because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. He told me that he had been in love with me for years and he wanted to be with me. My head just wasn't there. I was 19, dating and going to college. I also feared that Tim had a drinking problem like his father and I didn't want to live that way.

Years passed by and we would occasionally catch a glimpse of each other or ask about the other. He had told his mother (my step-aunt) that he would always love me and miss me. He didn't marry until he was in his 30s do to in his words "a broken heart". Years later he separated and made contact with me. I was flabbergasted! It was so good to hear his voice and I had been miserable in my loveless marriage. We began to reconnect, and we still had so much in common. He told me that he will always love me and that we should meet. I felt myself falling hard, but still wondered about the drinking. When I asked him about it, he told me that he really didn't drink anymore. I was really relieved to hear that. Sadly, little by little he started slipping the truth. He would talk about stopping on his way home from the bar to have a drink with his friends or to shoot pool. Then he would call sometimes and his speech was slurred and I knew he had been drinking... It broke my heart. I knew that it was hopeless, but he was so alone on the total opposite side of the country and I vowed to be there for him as a good friend.

Tim had never had any children and sometimes that made him sad. He decided to get a puppy for companionship as well as a "friend" to jog with. I warned him on the time requirements of a puppy and suggested an adult dog, but his heart was set on a puppy. He found one through a friend and we named him together over the phone. He would call me with questions and concerns and we talked about Bruce a lot.

Tim called me nearly everyday, and then all of a sudden he stopped. It was hard. I didn't know if maybe he had met someone or if he wanted some space. About 10 days later he called me telling me that he had been very sick for several days. He felt like he had the flu but it wasn't going away. I told him that I really thought he should go to the hospital, and then waited to hear more from him. A few days later I received a phone call that Tim was in intensive care at George Washington University hospital and not expected to live! Imagine what a shock that was! I completely melted down. I wanted to be by his side. I wanted to do something, tell him that I love him... SOMETHING.

Tim's bro (my step-cousin Pat) flew out to be by his side and I was so hopeful when Tim was still alive a couple of days later. He was only 43 and physically fit and strong, so he was fighting. I called Pat one night and asked him to hold the phone to Tim's ear. I told him in his coma that I love him and that i hope he gets well, but if that isn't to be, to go home and be at peace. Tim died shortly after that. My heart was truly broken and I felt a lot of guilt. Maybe he needed me and I wasn't willing to help him through his alcoholism. Maybe I could have done something... Tim died of Pancreatitis, due to his alcoholism at only 43.

Tim's mother sent me his Navy awards, dog tags and medals, and I cherish them still, but the most precious thing I got from Tim was Bruce. He was still a puppy then and I really don't like puppies, but being Tim's dog, I loved him. We took him to obedience classes, where he was the star (too bad he didn't behave like that at home!).

Yesterday, Bruce went home to be with his beloved owner, Tim. He was racked with arthritis pain and I could no longer bear to see him suffering. It has really opened up the pain of losing Tim again and I am grieving some, but I know I have done the right thing. The night before we put him to sleep, I had a dream. Tim came to me and told me that he is waiting for Bruce and that it's ok. It was as if he was here in the room with me. If yyou believe in a life after this one, you will know that it's entirely possible that Tim did indeed come to me. I miss them both terribly still but I know they are together on the other side, in full peace and happiness. One day I will run and play with both of them again.