It's OVER

Back in November my divorce was scheduled to be final. November 8th to be exact. I thought it was over and lo and behold, it wasn't!

First we forgot to sign one paper, so they sent it to us via email and we took care of it. Then there was a two week backlog. Ugggghhh! Then, the day it should've been signed, it wasn't! Two pieces of paper (out of the 30+) were missing and needed to be filled out as well as one more form that had to be signed and notarized. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I just wanted this to be over.. final.. DONE.

Well, FINALLY, it's over. Our divorce was signed on December 8th. It feels weird, good, sad, scary... but I am finally officially SINGLE. I feel like I should have a party or something!? It would be hard to pull off since my ex-husband is one of my closest friends and he would probably be invited by a mutual friend. LOL I have tried to spare his ego and feelings throughout this whole thing. I have never expressed to him how happy I am to be free of all of the pain, loneliness or bitterness of our marriage. I have always only told him how hard it is to know that the man I planned on spending my life with is not going to be the one I spend my life with. So to celebrate and party now with his knowledge would be unkind and cold as far as I can see.

So it's just over. Sixteen years of marriage and seventeen years of a relationship --- over. Divorce really sucks. I am disappointed in myself. I wanted to be married forever. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't cry myself to sleep almost everynight anymore. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up. My sanity and happiness ARE important.. FINALLY. It still just stings.... :(