Our Handfasting

We're back from our honeymoon (sadly) and everything went so beautifully and smoothly! We're blissfully happy and I am so happy and proud to be his wife. I only have a few of the pics. My girlfriend does wedding photography for a hobby and she has the best of them yet. I wanted to share a few that I have so far though. :)

Everything went so smoothly and the weather was perfect for it outside. I will share more pics as I get them. :)

Whirlwind

I apologize for my long absence...

I have been dealing with a massive flare up of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. My pain level has been higher than it has ever been in the 15 years since I was diagnosed. It's been really hard for me to get through my days and all the major planning for the wedding! I couldn't take my Enbrel shots because my youngest three had a cold. Last night I was finally able to take a shot, and I already have more energy, so the cycle will soon end! :)

My son is still mulling the whole baby thing over. I was supposed to meet my grandson this past Sunday but the mom canceled on us last minute. Her boyfriend is feeling insecure and uncomfortable with Joshua and I meeting the baby. I can understand that, but it was very sad and disappointing. I had high hopes for lots of pictures and memorizing his face. Soon thereafter the mom texted my son telling him that she had already left town for Georgia, and that he would never find them. We have since found her full name, her parents' names and their address, and we're still collecting information. She won't be disappearing for long... the stress has been really tough on my RA though, and that has made it even worse. The hardest part has been waiting with my mouth shut, waiting for Joshua to decide whether or not he wants to fight for parental rights. It's so hard not to try and help him understand how precious this little boy is, and drill into his head that the relationship with his son is more important than the child support he will pay. It's not my life, it's not my money and I just have to bite my tongue. I did however tell Joshua how important this little boy is to me, and that I would love to help him in any way I can. So for now, I sit and wait.

Wedding (Handfasting) plans are going really well. The weather is supposed to be partly cloudy and 60 for our outside event this Sunday, which is awesome! I have only two or three small things left to do and then we will be ready!!! I am totally in love and I am soooo excited to begin our life anew! Bill is the most amazing, loving man that I have ever known and he continues to impress and amaze me with his depth, love, sensitivity, care and compassion. He is my perfect match and we are blissfully happy. NO - I'm not totally stupid, and yes, I do know that things will crop up and life isn't perfect, but he is the one man that I truly want to spend the rest of my days with. Together we can face anything and being with him makes my soul at peace and finally complete. I have never felt so lucky, and I feel like I really did do my time being miserable. Finally - happiness is MINE!!!

As well as the other stuff going on, my mom and dad's divorce continues to loom overhead and cause us all a lot of stress. Dad is basically nothing more than a freeloading blow-hard and he's fighting this whole thing with everything he has. He's 86 and mom is 64 and he didn't bring a thing to their marriage when I was nearly 13 and retired shortly after they were married. He now wants half of my mom's hard-earned pension, retirement, and everything that she has bought and paid for (like their home). The divorce trial is coming in the next 2 weeks and I will be asked to testify. Dad blames the whole divorce on me and moved away without so much as a goodbye, so it won't hurt me any to testify against him. After being my one and only father all of these years he walked away from me and my 8 children and has never looked back. He's a senile, bitter old man and he's no loss to us, but the stress of this whole situation is hard.

So LOTS going on - hence my slow blogging. I will be posting pics of my handfasting the next time I blog!!!!! :) :) :) :)

OMG.. I am a Grandma

A few weeks ago, my oldest son Joshua told me that he had some worries. He and I are very close, as I am with all of my kids, and I sat him down to talk. He told me that a girl he had slept with months ago was pregnant and claiming that the baby was his. She had a boyfriend that was hoping to be the father, but she was sure it was Joshua's baby. I didn't worry about it too much - the odds were in his favor, right?

Well, on March 25th, Hunter Lee was born. He is beautiful, and paternity tests show that he is not the child of her boyfriend. When Joshua told me, I was working as the karaoke dj at the Pheasant Palace like I do every friday and saturday night. I had one helluva time not crying HARD after he left. I just kept thinking that I now am a Grandmother and I will never see this little boy... The mother has decided to move to Georgia with her boyfriend who wants to raise the baby as his own without any contact from Joshua. As a matter of fact, they are moving at the end of this month!

I've been really struggling with this whole thing... I'm a Grandma, and yet I'm not. My heart aches and I want so badly to see him, hold him, just one time! Joshua is thinking about whether or not to fight for parental rights, but his income isn't going to allow him to fight very hard or long.

I feel like I have gained so much and lost so much in one fell swoop. I don't know how to work through this really, and it hurts so much... :(