At 44, I have just had a revelation. It's not that mind-boggling really, and the pieces of this revelation have been looming for quite some time now. It's just that all of it came crashing in on me yesterday.
In the last year, I have lost a child, lost my father (he disowned me and walked out of my life forever), I divorced, I remarried, and I lost my mother (for all intents and purposes), I became a grandmother (only to lose the little one to a mom that doesn't want to share him at all with my son or his family) and my chronic illness has severely worsened. It's been one helluva year!
I don't have any siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles. My grandparents are all dead now. So, with the exception of the blessings of my children and my supremely amazing husband, I am ALONE. It's a strange feeling. I don't have any people my age or older that I call family or can count on. I know it's not uncommon at my age, and I'm not saying that this realization is earth-shattering, but I am ALONE. I am admittedly one of those people that hates to be totally alone for any length of time. I love the company of other people and I love to visit and share life with those that I care about.
It's one more stepping stone in the aging process, I guess. No one knows me from when I was little, or skinny or beautiful. I am ALONE. I kinda shudder when I type that.... It's time to start focusing on the blessings of my children. One day grandchildren will come and I will have all of them too! It's still just kind of strange...
Ahhh... 19 & so innocent...
Me & My True Love
~and it only took 43 years to find him!
About Me
- Freak Magnet
- I've been writing since I was 8. I have volumes and volumes of boring journals for my kids to sort out when I am gone. I am an avid scrapbooker and family historian, a photographer and an artist. I am a classically trained singer and love to dance. The Arts? Yep - love them all.
3 comments:
You've lost many people lately, but you're not alone. Your phone is filled with numbers, any of which you can dial when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to help you lift a piece of furniture or help you finish the cheesecake in the fridge. And although we didn't know you when you were younger and beautiful, we know you now and you're as beautiful as you ever were. More so. Chin up. Remember, yes, many men have left you, which is probably why God gave you all those annoying sons. ;-)Sons never leave. In fact, you can't get rid of 'em.
Plus one day you'll have more grandbabies than you know what to do with.
I'm sorry you're feeling alone. :(
I'm in a similar situation with my "family" (although I do have siblings, they choose not to be part of my life). It really is a heartbreaking revelation, one that's hard to wrap your mind around.
Jen is right though~ you do have people who love you, who would drop everything and surround you if you needed it. I'm one of them, and I know that Jen is already there. :) We'll always be here for you no matter what.
XOXO
Thanks so much, both of you. Your comments make my eyes well up, and they mean more to me than you know. Thank you for your love, friendship and kindness. I will always love you both and I will be here for you the same ways you are here for me. ((((group hug))))
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